Conflict pushes most of us into a fight or flight mentality. We either rush into debate or shrink into artificial agreement for fear of damaging the relationship. Both mentalities prevent deeper understanding, better solutions, and richer relationships. But not all conflict has to be bad — positive team conflict can actually strengthen a workplace.
The flight response is fueled by the fear that one’s ideas don’t matter, arguments are counterproductive, or it’s just not worth the effort to speak up. The fight response, on the other hand, is bound up in either the fear of being wrong or simply the desire to win the argument.
In the workplace, respectful conflict builds cohesive and productive teams. Here’s how you and your employees can harness your fight or flight responses and instead engage in healthy team conflict.
Take a Deep Breath
If your instinct is to fight, take a breath before diving into an argument. As soon as you feel yourself getting defensive, pause and evaluate what you are feeling and why. Are you determined to be right? Are you convinced no one else has anything valuable to add to the conversation? Or are you offended that you aren’t being heard?
Remember: The best way to foster meaningful dialogue and be heard — especially amidst team conflict — is to ensure each participant has the opportunity to share their perspective, too.
If, on the other hand, your usual response is to remain silent or retreat, instead of leaving the discussion mentally or physically, lean in and listen carefully. Consider what point of view is being ignored and write down solutions that jump to mind for you — you can always bring them up after the conversation has cooled down.
Change Your Perspective
Sometimes all you need to turn an unproductive argument to productive team conflict is a simple shift in perspective. Instead of focusing on winning the argument, reset your priorities and strive to either learn something new or find the best solution for the team. Seek to understand and others will be more open to understanding your point of view, too.
Employees who tend to avoid team conflict by telling themselves they have nothing significant to contribute to the discussion should remind themselves they each have a perspective that no one else does. Instead of seeing the conversation as having one winner and many losers, see it as a way to merge all your perspectives to create the best solution.
Collaboration is far more effective than an every-man-for-himself approach, and everyone’s ideas and questions are needed to complete the team. In fact, a team that communicates cohesively and effectively will lead to a more unified workplace.
Practice Respect
The desire to win the argument can lead to personal attacks, raised voices, and repeated monologues when you feel you are not being heard. For healthy, productive team conflict, it’s important to be willing to apologize when you observe this behavior in yourself.
Soften your approach so there is room for other opinions and ideas (especially from those whose instinct is to flee team conflict). Speak more tentatively, ask for other opinions and ideas, and hold one another mutually accountable when it comes to respect.
Every workplace faces team conflict and communication issues. Those that want to thrive must address these growth areas to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again.
Teams that discuss conflict with openness can create healthy ground rules for discussion and move forward with the tools to produce better solutions and results.
How do you plan to foster healthy team conflict resolution in your workplace? Let me know in the comments!