“We just need to be more mindful.” I’m hearing this statement frequently in answer to almost any question in my seminars. While seeking clarification about meaning, I get a variety of responses from self-awareness to mature to compassion. Mindfulness can be your remedy in these unprecedented days in our world.
What is mindfulness?
According to the American Psychological Association (APA.org, 2012), mindfulness is “. . . moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment.” The goal of mindfulness is to pay close attention to your physical sensations, thoughts and emotions in order to see them more clearly, without making assumptions or making up stories.
In Lifehacker, Pinola (2014) suggests many synonyms for mindfulness: awareness, attention, focus, presence, or vigilance. He reminds us the opposite is not mindlessness. Instead, a lack of mindfulness is distractedness, inattention, and lack of engagement. Psychology Today defined the term as “a state of active, open attention on the present” (“Mindfulness,” n.d.).
Merriam-Webster sums it up quite well: “the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis.”
In short, we simply learn to listen to and accept the thoughts and feelings that arise within us. First we can practice noticing when we are having these unfavorable thoughts, labels, criticisms, judgments and feelings. Once we realize this, we can then stop them in their tracks by choosing to observe them rather than letting them run the show.
Stephen Covey credited the following quote to Victor Frankl. This infamous quote reminds us that we can choose new and better responses.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Why is mindfulness important?
“There’s a reason companies are including this as a requirement for their teams: it works, in various ways for different participants. Mindfulness has been thought to help in a number of ways, but the most significant include reducing anxiety, heightening productivity, and contributing to a greater sense of presence.” – Forbes
The methods suggested below help by allowing us to improve our focus. When we constantly flit from one task to another, the quality of our work can suffer. By practicing mindfulness — simply coming back to the present moment repeatedly — we can train ourselves to become more focused.
Personally, I believe mindfulness allows to us to calm ourselves and make healthy, life-giving choices. In our pause, we can choose new responses. Here are some ideas.
How do you practice mindfulness?
When you are experiencing a particularly stressful moment, a popular mindfulness exercise known as S.T.O.P. can be helpful:
- Stop. Just take a momentary pause, no matter what you’re doing.
- Take a breath. Feel the sensation of your own breathing, which brings you back to the present moment.
- Observe. Acknowledge what is happening, for good or bad, inside you or out. Just note it.
- Proceed. Having briefly checked in with the present moment, choose your best response, and continue the task or conversation with this new response. – NY Times
In meetings (particularly virtual meetings), the lack of focus on the present moment can create a huge waste of time. To encourage focus and the sense of being present, you might encourage some simple rules for meetings:
- Turn off distractions (emails, texts, etc.)
- Keep notes visible and circulate the notes after the meeting
- Insist that everyone share ideas and call on those who are hesitant to keep everyone engaged
- End the meeting by seeking commitment to next steps by individual contributors
- Keep meeting brief and to the point
In personal conversations (particularly difficult ones), be present. It is possible to listen to what another person is saying even when we disagree. Rather than formulating our rebuttal to change the other’s mind, pause and create the habit of trying to understand. Make your goal to first seek understanding, and then confirm what you’ve learned through rephrasing and reflecting.
You can control yourself. Mindfulness is as close as your next breath. When frustrated, confused, or procrastinating, take a deep breath. What are you feeling? What was the stimulus for this feeling? What stories are you telling yourself? When your mind wanders, come back to the sensations in your body and examine your stories. Pause and create a healthy response.
It’s as simple as acknowledging the distractions that pop up. Stop, breathe, and take a step back. Perhaps, ask a person to repeat what they just said. Or with tasks completion, ask what’s the next most important step.
One final suggestion is to cultivate personal gratitude and compassion for others. “A happy life is not a life that is free of negativity and irritation, a happy life is a life where negativity and irritation are not fed and strengthened rather they are graciously acknowledged and humbly accepted.” – Psych Central. Expressing gratitude enhances your well-being and allows you to accept the good and difficult times. Who needs to hear your gratitude today?
To lead with compassion and empathy, we must take our focus off ourselves. Unselfish service to others creates this mindset. Mindful leaders focus on those who are right in front of them. Compassion prioritizes other persons first and demonstrates positive intentions towards them. Leaders who ensure others know that you have their back build the kind of trust that encourages engagement, loyalty and performance. Empathy puts you in their shoes. We know longer just pretend. We show them we really do care.
Cultivate mindfulness for yourself. I think you will agree that this changes your outlook and your effectiveness.
This three-minute video from Travis Bradberry (co-author of Emotion Intelligence 2.0) suggests ten personal strategies for staying calm under stress – enjoy.