What’s the opposite of empathy? Apathy? Indifference? Lack of interest? Callousness? Dismissiveness?
Empathy is the ability to sense and articulate other’s feelings and viewpoints. We begin to practice empathy when we demonstrate an active interest in others. We are beginning to “walk in their shoes.”
Is it any wonder that in today’s world we need to cultivate the skill of empathy in business? This is how we generate new business, engage employees, create effective change and the best solutions, and build loyalty. With physical distancing and virtual meetings, this skill becomes even more crucial, and those who lack the skill will fall behind as leaders.
We don’t learn empathy in a workshop. These techniques and behaviors can be learned. We build empathic skills by practicing these in the real world! And we do so, not to manipulate or “fake it until we make it”. We practice it because we know how important it is in our own lives when someone acts with empathy toward us.
Here are some ways we can learn the skills of empathy:
Get Out of Your Chair
As managers of people, we spend too much time in our chair or working alone as producers. The old adage “management by walking around” is overused and abused when we use the concept to just make sure everyone is busy. Instead, focus on learning what other people are thinking and feeling. At first, our employees will wonder what we’re up to. After some time, they will realize we are genuinely interested in them as individuals (if indeed we are). As someone said, “we can’t walk in someone’s shoes if we are sitting at our desk.” This method allows you to speak to individuals and draw out their ideas and concerns. Demonstrate you care by your focus and non-verbal behavior.
Value Relationships
I usually learn the hard way (translation: by making mistakes). So, as I reflect on my prior management history, I burned too many bridges. Unfortunately, I did not value relationships like I do today, and simply focused on getting the work done. I never stopped to consider that I needed these relationships to gain a new perspective, foster change, and create an enlivened workplace. I hope you will learn from my mistakes. We need each other. We need trust to keep our business moving forward. Our job as leaders is to support and care for our co-workers and clients. Our service to these important people enlivens relationships that could span beyond our professional careers.
Problems Are Opportunities
Whether we are working with clients or employees, there will always be challenges. How do we decide between competing perspectives? We must work together toward solutions. Collaboration is pointless if we make the decision without empathically listening to all perspectives. By taking all ideas seriously and hearing them out, the team can often develop new ideas that no one considered before beginning. And even if there is no great revolutionary solution, empathic listening demonstrates that we heard and care about all perspectives. The added benefit to an empathetic approach is the buy-in that occurs when all sides are heard.
Suspend Judgment
Want to open the door to empathy? Suspend your judgments and built-in skepticism. In so doing, we open the door to new ideas. When we seek understanding, we listen instead of judge. Talk less and seek to more completely understand. Reflect the message back to the other person to ensure we have received the message correctly and it provides an opportunity for clarification of any misunderstandings. We amplify our understanding. This action alone will demonstrate your investment in the conversation and your commitment to understanding the person across from you.
Practice Humility
Stephen Covey often quoted this anonymous phrase: “No one knows everything about anything.” Plato gives credit to Socrates for the quote: “I know that I know nothing” (though there is no record of the quote found in his writings). Nonetheless, humility is a great emphatic tool. The more we stay in a learning mode, the more empathic we will be with others. Humility reminds us that we must explore and constantly adjust our knowledge. As we think of the complexity of people and ideas, this is easy to see, but hard to admit.
Demonstrate Vulnerability
Be human! Leaders do not make great superheroes. Showing vulnerability demonstrates personal security and courage. Authentic leaders build trust and loyalty by being transparent, admitting mistakes, and acknowledging weaknesses. Employees see our weaknesses and mistakes. We are all reassured when the boss can just admit to being human. We don’t have to predict the future to express confidence that together we will make life better for all. The more vulnerable we are the more likely your co-workers will follow our lead.
Analytical, technical insights are concrete and enduring. This is why I trust the bridges, roadways, buildings, and dams that these fine professionals design and build. However, analysis and concrete thinking can miss an infinite number of insights and wisdom when we ignore our respect and concern for the people we work for and with. Insightful solutions and people engagement are critical business concerns.
The CrossGroup works with smart and competent professions who are experts in their specialties. But when it comes to people — employees, clients, and partners — we are all learning. We must be empathic to more fully appreciate and respect each other. Ultimately, we will serve each other more effectively and arrive at more complete solutions in so doing.