Friendships at Work: Being Successful While Managing Friends

Having a best friend at work improves employee satisfaction, engagement, and ultimately, the company’s bottom line. When you’ve developed strong friendships and then are promoted to a manager over your friends, the dynamic certainly changes. You can still maintain healthy relationships at work while performing your new duties with success.

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We recently received a question about becoming a new manager:

I’ve been recently promoted to a manager role in my department. Now I am managing people that have become my friends over the past year. I like the role and want to be successful, but how do you manage a friend when she misses a deadline, which has been happening recently? I’m internally struggling with wanting to be her friend and needing to be her manager. Any suggestions on how to discuss missed deadlines and expectations without damaging a relationship?
 
Sincerely,
Friendly in Texas

First of all, congratulations on your promotion!  Your hard work has been recognized and is paying dividends.

Before anything else, let’s take a look at the importance of friendships even in the workplace.

Best Friends at Work

“Gallup has determined that having a best friend at work can turn a moderately engaged worker into a highly engaged one. The upgrade is significant because highly engaged workers contribute more to the bottom line.”*

In fact, “Do I have a best friend at work?” is one of the Q12 survey questions and is positively correlated with engagement in the workplace. Notice that they are not just asking if you have a friend or friendly relationship, but one you would describe as a best friend.

To promote employee engagement, we need to promote friendships. In other words, people need to see and understand that they matter to others and are contributing to worthwhile relationships in their work.

You are describing the awkward promotion where now you have formal authority as a boss with people who have become friends over the time you have worked together.  This has the makings of good sitcom scenario. And most would tell you this is impossible.

I believe that these naysayers are wrong if you manage yourself and your friends with skill and honesty.  Since the research suggests that we all need friends both at work and in our personal lives, let’s explore how you can make it work.  

Don’t let the promotion inflate your ego

Remember the promotion doesn’t mean you now have power and control. It means you now have an added responsibility for supporting the success of every member of your team. You serve your team as you all serve the company. Your job is to guide and pave the way for the success of the team. 

Demonstrate clarity about your role

Yes, you can still be friends with your subordinates, but you need to state and follow up with action showing that your role has changed.  Talk with your friends and co-workers as a group and individually about the new responsibilities you face. Explain that you are accountable for the development and performance of every person on the team. Divide your time equally among the team members. 

Be fair and objective

When it comes to bonuses, raises, promotions, support, and resources, set your personal biases aside. Treat your friend the same as you would anyone else on your team. Favoritism, special treatment, and protection just creates resentment and alienation, eventually causing you to lose credibility as a leader and causing disunity within the team. 

Be self-aware

The spotlight is on you.  People are observing both your verbal and nonverbal behavior.  How much time and energy do you give your friend compared to others? Ask a trusted mentor or your own boss to observe and provide feedback.  

Set and manage goals with regular feedback.

Sit down and talk to each team member regularly one-on-one. Develop performance goals together.  Ask what you can do to help them perform better and meet their goals. They might benefit from additional training, and they may also flourish in a mentoring or coaching relationship with another professional.  Give them time to improve. If you don’t notice any progress, manage them appropriately in line with your organization’s guidelines.  

Structure is the key

In the scenario you shared, you need to discuss project or task deadlines and share clear expectations along with the reason for the deadlines. Set a goal for regular on-time delivery and ask for a commitment. Express how important the deadline is to the smooth operation of the team and how much this person matters to that process. Then follow up on the conversation regularly in a friendly, helpful way. As you observe progress, express your appreciation. When you see lagging commitment, express the need for follow through.

After all, what does a true friend do?  They tell their friend the truth. You can be honest and nice.  Anything short of that is not friendship. It’s altogether something else.

*“The Collective Advantage, Susan Ellingwood (http://news.gallup.com/businessjournal/787/collective-advantage.aspx)