Ownership is the core of the CrossGroup Leadership Model. Nothing meaningful happens in leaders’ lives until they own themselves and their actions. Every leadership advocate has a key concept or foundational principle similar to ownership. We urge leaders at all levels to take personal responsibility for themselves. Once you understand yourself and how your actions impact others, you are better able to lead.
This is easier said than done. Blaming other people and complaining about our circumstances is much more fun and releases us of responsibility. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is in our culture – we grow up doing this and see role models in our everyday experiences that create this as a common practice.
So, how do we take ownership of ourselves and our actions?
First, know yourself.
The reality about ourselves is all around us, but it is hard to see. There are some aspects about our personalities that we can’t see because our subconscious chooses not to. We call these blind spots because we really are blind to them.
We all live day to day without much self-examination. We observe ourselves in a mirror of our own creation where we see our ideal, stylized self. We rarely seize the opportunity to see the real self and the impact we have on others.
Frankly, outside critical feedback is a scary endeavor that most of us avoid. How often do you take the risk to receive honest comments and responses from others? And when we do receive feedback, we often discount the comments as the other person just not understanding the environment or stress we are under.
So, get to know the true you. Understand your tendencies – impulses, strengths, and areas in need of improvement. Apologize for your mistakes. Accept responsibility for your blunders with others. Take specific action to grow and change behaviors that are unproductive and detrimental to you and others. Invite others’ feedback, and listen humbly without rebuttal. Choose those closest to you, knowing they have your best interest at heart.
Second, be humble and serve others.
C. S. Lewis’ definition of humility is not thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking of yourself less. Understand your strengths and use them to serve others. You will find that in serving others, you gain immensely more than if you were focused on serving yourself.
You have much to offer. So, substitute blaming and complaining with serving others. Ask yourself: “What can I do?” When faced with a difficult situation, replace complaining with brainstorming. What can you do in this situation with this person within your sphere of influence? Find and act on the answer with urgency and compassion. Not only will you grow as a person, but you will build solid relationships with those you are serving.
When we serve others with the intent to help them, we are owners. We are taking responsibility for our personal actions, and improving ourselves and situations with others.
Third, be intelligent about your emotions.
Our emotions are our reaction to our interpretation of something that happened. Let me emphasize this: our emotions are our reaction to our interpretation of something that happened. See how many times “our” is mentioned? Most people think that we see or hear something and then we react. The truth is that we see something and then we make an interpretation and then we choose a reaction. This all happens in a nanosecond, so it feels like there is no choice in the matter. It’s why we say, you made me mad or sad or angry. The opposite is true: we are choosing to have a certain feeling about what happened.
So, how do we change this? Find a reaction that is problematic for you as a leader, and lay out a situation that sometimes happens:
When _____ does or says ______, I almost always respond with ___________.
Examine the emotional response and choose a different, more productive response. Think it through and create a new script for your response. The next time you are in the dialogue or situation, create a pause and practice your healthy emotional choice.
I never do this perfectly and neither will you. The difference with this approach is that we become more self-aware. Practice and apologies will promote an emotional intelligence that creates healthy change over time. Now, you are beginning to own your emotions.
TAKE ACTION
The above suggestions for changes can seem abstract and difficult to implement. Quite the contrary. Here are some actionable ideas you can do to promote self-awareness. Choose one a week and give it your best effort. This doesn’t need to happen all at once; rather, improvement is continuous.
- Take a 360-assessment inviting your boss and anonymous peers and direct reports for helpful feedback
- Talk with a trusted friend and ask for candid feedback
- Make a list of those you serve (clients, direct reports, your boss, etc.) and ask yourself how you could help serve them with humility being truly helpful to them personally and professionally
- Ask how can I help you instead of what were you thinking
- Make a list of those you impact and ask yourself how you could impact them positively over the next month. Make an action plan and enter it on your calendar and task list
- Identify one emotional response that is counter-productive and develop a new script for your healthy response
- Practice good listening skills with your own internal dialogue. and counter the negative interpretations you form while not giving the other person “the benefit of a doubt”
Personal ownership is an attractive, appealing, and contagious quality. You will enlarge your influence with others to do the same by living as an owner!
