Changing a behavior or improving yourself is difficult, though not impossible. Even with the best intentions, all of us will fail at one point or another. Willpower alone will not help you make your desired change; rather, having specific actions, measurable results and a system for when part of your plan fails will set you up for success.
What will I do when I fail?
“How much are we paying you anyway?”
That was the response I received from one of our Leadership Academy participants a few months ago. After I guaranteed they would fail to carry out their commitments in the months ahead, we all had a laugh at the spontaneous response and my prediction.
At the same time, we all knew it was the truth. When first thinking about changing a behavior, many don’t know that they should expect some failures. The transformation path is littered with failure. The question is not, “How do I prevent failure?” Instead, the question is always, “What will I do when I fail?”
Will I dust myself off and redouble my efforts with the resolve needed to try again? Do I have a recovery plan in place? Am I at peace with the fact that transformation is a long-term process?
It would be nice if we could wake up, decide to change something about our behavior, and have that change in effect by dinnertime. Instead, there’s a process involved in both personal and corporate change. First knowing the process and then understanding where you are in it will help you take the necessary actions to move forward.
Knowing We Failed
Knowing we failed is the first step in the change process. Before we start, we likely see our old ways acceptable. We often say, “That’s just the way I am,” or “That’s the way we do things here.” We may even have reasons for the behavior that make perfect sense to us. Because of this, we accept the behavior as normal and acceptable.
But then one day, whether it’s from taking a leadership development class, reading a book, or our own self-discovery, we know differently and have alternative and better responses. We now have different behaviors that we know are more effective, and we can create a plan to change towards those. While creating this plan, we need to build in the knowledge that failing at least once is part of the process. Truthfully, we will probably fail many times. Failing reveals more to you about what deserves your attention and energy moving forward.
Make the change specific and measurable
The temptation is to start with a big and usually vague goal such as:
- I want to be a better manager
- I want to be more generous with my praise
- I’d like to share better feedback
These are all good goals, but how will we know if we are accomplishing them? When my students present these to me, I often ask, “What does that look like? If I were to follow you around with a video camera, what specific behaviors would I record that demonstrate this goal in action?”
We must determine the specific, and sometimes small, actions necessary to improve our performance. At the end of the month, I want to be able to see progress and be able to measure and evaluate the improvements myself. It is in measuring that I can know where I am in the process and tweak my plan if necessary.
Start with Small Steps
Break your larger change process into manageable steps. Smaller steps are more manageable to accomplish, and they demonstrate that real, lasting change occurs over time and takes effort. We can’t change everything, but we can change in small ways that add up over time. Change is never just one step. It is made up of many connected steps that create a pattern of different behavior and leads to truly effective and lasting change.
Use a System to Support Change
We must find support to sustain change. What are the tools you need to keep moving forward? Whether digital or analog, there are tools out there for everyone. Someone might benefit from an app that reminds them to do something at a certain time every day until that action becomes a natural habit. Another person may benefit from reflecting in their journal at the end of every day, where they can see their behavior patterns and plan for change.
Often, we may need learning support found in books, articles, or seminars. Additional tools can include software, checklists, apps, sticky notes, pictures, etc. The list of tools is endless. Find support tailored to your needs for measuring and tracking your change effort.
Make a Commitment
A private commitment will likely be short-lived. Tell someone or a peer group what you are doing and why you are doing it. Make it public and ask for support and regular feedback. You are on your way toward transformational growth when you are courageous enough to go public with your change effort. You may also find that one of your peers is on a similar journey and you have inspired them to share their efforts as well. Being open with others about ourselves and our desired change builds trust and community; it improves the world around us while we improve what’s within us.
Personal growth and change are worth the effort. Easy? No. But worthy of our sustained effort. The people I most admire are on the journey of transformational growth. In their own way, they are changing the world around them by creating and sustaining change in themselves. This kind of humble growth is contagious and attractive to those who are observing us.
Have you been successful in making a change in the past? If so, how? I love to share success stories with my leadership development groups as it inspires them that they can make big, lasting change too!
